soup

yes!!!!!! i just got cast as the lead in a north hollywood* production of “o cruel sparrow.” starting next friday, i will be playing the role of BUFORD L. HUFFINGTON, a southernly gentleman who has recently discovered that the love of his life is actually a birdbath and a nesting twosome of cardinals. the most exciting part is that there will be over thirty puppeteers controlling the two cardinals! and one plumber who has to maintain the birdbath!

it sounds like a blast! let’s hope that i can remember my lines because they’re mostly gibberish. here’s an excerpt from the script– by the way, the other characters in this scene are SANTOS, the future king of peru? and MALCOLM, a young orphan who never speaks:

santos: yo, hombre, quieres cerveza? oooh, te-qui-laaaa!?!?!
buford: this blah blah can’t do it big woman cold water.
santos: sí, mi esposa es gorda.
buford: it’s a pigeon help me please.
santos: pero es una buena persona, amigo.
buford: no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
santos: (improvises)

then there’s a dream sequence that i haven’t practiced yet.

*yes, noho is more than just a place where your car will get stolen.

also, due to popular demand, i am starting a transexual website.

search engine queries (with percentages):

9.09% “rape”
6.99% “soup”
6.29% “stories”
5.59% “transexual”
0.00% “tony and dan”

i was going to incorporate “legal tender love and care” into a comic, but frasier beat me to it.

jack: did you snoop around in my stuff?

frank: well… no, i…

jack: it’s okay, a lot of people do that. i’m a
mysterious guy. people have actually
told me that: “jack, you’re a mysterious
guy. may i look at your things?”