soup

weird pic alert:

i wrote this song this smorning:

happy halloween.

it’s halloween
all the kids are out
they’re all decked out
out to scare the heck out
of the old lady in the old house

they say she killed the paperboy
on his paper route
“but she did not kill his deputy”
at least, that’s what the kids say

if you ask the neighbors
she’s not all bad
she’s just like seasonal flavors
only comes out once a year
it’d be scary if it weren’t so sad

because the truth is
although she loves to scare
she makes the best candy apples
we’ve ever had here

on my way home from work, i thought i had this great idea for a song, but when i got home and wrote the lyrics down, i thought it was stupid. so i polished it a little and ended up with this, the greatest folk song ever:

the ‘89 detroit pistons.

it’s about life, identity, relationships, corporate america, the war in iraq, but mostly the ‘89 detroit pistons. pretend that fuzz sound is on purpose and not the result of recording it at 2:00 in the morning and being courteous to my light-sleeping neighbor. and i know that in future years this song will probably just be known for that sibilant s-sounding c.

i have a cd if anybody wants a freebie.

for those of you who don’t know, my arm has been crippled. crippled by too much rocking! …and also from sorting mail at some stupid studio. so this is a song that came out in the days before the accident. rediscovered, recovered, and re-ready to be reshown.

it’s called “the world keeps falling apart,” and it’s in response to the millions of e-mails we get a day telling us to rock much harder. now, to sit back and wait for the record deals to come flying in (send all record deals to here).

also, we’ll probably be starting a lyrics page soon for those who love bad karaoke.

today @ work, @ 3:oo on the dot, my boss called me into his office to discuss my future @ the company. by the way, i work @ hog databases @ their los angeles office. i sat down @ his desk, and he proceeded to evaluate my performance @ a speed of around 20 insults per minute. my future was not looking good until i cracked a joke about my tie that made him laugh. @ me. he scribbled notes on my evaluation sheet and kept saying, “this is good, this is good,” so i assumed things were good. @ least, that’s what i thought i assumed. he said that @ best i was a mediocre employee, someone that was never going to get promoted @ hog databases. i jokingly asked for a raise, which he thought was hilarious. @ 3:15, i was promoted to head of databases.

let me just get a headcount here:

how many people would be interested in purchasing (winning/getting for free/begging me for) a bookmark with my mug on it? one, two, three, seven…

(wow, that’s an old picture. when did i come up with this bit? it must have been months ago… i look terrible… i haven’t even finished the first chapter of that book yet… this website is so unfocused… i think saddam hussein is innocent… i’m sure glad the burden of proof isn’t on me…)

and for your info, we’re still working on new material, so expect the 411 on all of that soon.

hey, they call it HIGH school for a reason.

the following are short story titles from my creative writing class 2003, with excerpts from the critiques i had to write that were not meant to be sarcastic but came out that way, regardless:

crazy
“you really get the sense that she is crazy.”

damn moreen
“a story like this is difficult to punctuate, so that was impressive.”

the evil within
“the idea of alexandra biting a vampire back is very interesting…”

enough
“…that being the movie “enough” with jennifer lopez.”

irony
“ultimately, i don’t know how i feel about the ending, except that it would have been better if i had not been looking for irony.”

seattle
“things like this are not dwelled on, so the story moves quickly, and i liked that aspect.”

a night to remember
“i do feel that the plot itself is really good and that the characters and situations are clever and interesting.”

the prodigal wife
“there are several twists that work and keep the story interesting.”

occasional hits
“first, i feel that i should apologize for how many times i marked on the story itself.”