soup

working for a living: i’m not really working or making a living.

i’m afraid of the phone and e-mail.

how is it possible that the fortysomething who sits across from me is still single with a laugh like THAT?

have you ever felt like you missed something because you were too busy LISTENING?

the urinal smells like coffee piss before i use it.

sometimes, i miss capitalizing things correctly.

all i really need to know i learned in kindergarten, and everything i’ve learned since has been MY REASON FOR LIVING.

oh, my god, i’m going to be bald soon. someone tell me how to stop this from happening.

am i capable of getting a massage from a man? no. no, i’m not.

i’ve only hated three people in my entire life. two of them deserved it, and one of them is a vending machine.

i often spend money just to have quarters for laundry.

i probably only like san francisco because of the weather.

to be honest, i really do go out to my car for lunch and listen to “born in the u.s.a.” on repeat.

do you think “mad about you” would’ve been better if it had been called “mad at you”? YES uggh brb

life isn’t too short. the PHASES of your life are too sh