soup

never go to work with a haircut on your birthday.

[10:46] JT: the server crashed
[10:46] JT: so i cant do any work
[10:48] ts: NICE
[10:48] ts: same here sure why not
[10:52] JT: its back
[10:53] JT: but itll probably kick in and out
[10:53] ts: just relax
[10:53] ts: take an early lunch
[10:54] JT: REAL early
[10:55] ts: never too early
[10:56] JT: and back out
[10:57] ts: just go to lunch
[10:57] ts: call it THE LUNCH SPECIAL
[10:57] JT: you say that about everything

[16:52] ts: all right
[16:52] JT: lates
[16:52] ts: i’m hitting chipotle
[16:53] ts: i’m getting you THE LUNCH SPECIAL

[12:20] JT: lunch
[12:20] ts: cool
[12:21] ts: i’m thinking about taking a 12:30
[12:24] ts: or just eating at my desk at 12:30
[12:24] ts: and taking a 1:00 lunch
[12:24] ts: i call it THE LUNCH SPECIAL
[12:26] ts: oh right you’re at lunch

top ten fil

corduroy
a lot of people
have pictures
of themselves
as a baby
with a beer.

bank of america
in a bank line.
“ninety percent of americans
are in debt.
if you’re not in debt,
you’re not an american,”
i hear a wonderfully accented immigrant (life is terrible)
telling the teller.
applying that logic,
as of today,
i am no longer an american.
and, why not, while i’m here–
i take care of my nevada-issued speeding ticket,
recenty downgraded to a parking violation.
now, that’s america.
in the parking lot,
a woman backing out almost hits me with her car.
she apologizes.
“it’s fine, honey,” i say,
puffing my chest out.
where the fuck have i been all my life?