the BEST of chris farley.
on the subject of the mute button
i used to have this girlfriend,
but don’t ask me about her–
it was a bad scene.
after i told her about the affair,
and that it was because of her that it had happened,
she said, “thank you for being honest with me.”
i tried to explain to her that this couldn’t be true,
that in no way did my admission constitute honesty,
but she wouldn’t listen.
she had mistaken my vulnerability for truth,
allowed one situation to trump the other.
we dated for a few more weeks,
but she never really listened after that.
i was on mute,
like the t.v. during our lovemaking.
snakes
i’m watching eraserhead,
but i don’t like it.
it’s one of those movies
that thinks old people are scary,
that babies are little monsters.
it doesn’t realize that
old people and babies are like snakes,
only we’ll turn it around and say:
we’re just as afraid of them
as they are of us.